Today I have entered a ring of hell filled with the sound of childish laughter and never-ending energy.

Yes, that's right...I'm babysitting my 10 year old nephew for the night.

The day of hell began at 2:30 when he arrived on my doorstep. After the park, the fairgrounds, the thrift store (dear lord, why is he obsessed with trying on pants that are taller than he is??), and finally (blessedly) back to my apartment...I can't feel my legs.

Peace, a movie and dinner, I thought.

Wrong.

Five minutes later he's made friends with the neighborhood children and they converge on my floor in front of the television like a neurotic band of cannibals.

The Xbox 360 is taken hostage and suddenly Halo 3 commences along with more smack talk than I have ever heard in my life.

My pizza was devoured promptly. I managed to snag two slices for myself and only after brandishing the threat of a painful death and running, screaming hysterically, from the room clutching my cheese pizza to my chest.

After a trip to the park with his new friends, I sat on my staircase staring blankly at the trees.

Trees...I thought. They have such a nice...quiet life. It's not like trees have to worry about watching a gazillion children you never noticed even lived in your complex while suddenly looking at the floor and realizing that tomato sauce can embed itself in light tan carpeting before you can even blink.

Finally, 8:30 rolls around. Surely the child must be getting tired???

No. No, it is not tired. It is tormenting me even more. I hear "You gotta and hafta see dis! Come quick, quick!!!"

I run into the room. I see....I see...
...Um, yes, it's my computer monitor. I know it's flat. Yes, yes I have two. Uh huh. Aren't you tired?????



I'm tempted to lace the food with a sedative.

My brother seems to find this all quite amusing. I've called him more times than I can count and always begin the conversation the same way, "Dear god, I need adult interaction."



Seven in the morning...when that time comes we are running to the car and driving like the blazing wind to my brother's house. Then ... then...sweet, blessed silence.

I want to drive in my car listening to classical music again on the way home instead of some strange pop teeny bopper band with lyrics that make absolutely no sense.