JOINT RULER ANNOUNCEMENT
Doc.116.2007//<723.EOP.122>

"It is to the effect of this official statement that the Seven Nation and the Nightbug Kingdom are formally allies and strategic partners in the furtherance of Science, Machiavellian Domination of the Human Race, and the push for the expansion of our Dominion into Space."

SECTION I
"Do it big or stay in bed." Larry Kelly

While although the two parties involved are named as "Nation" and "Kingdom," we are in truth, a network of secret societies without geographic boundary. While this announcement reveals the existence of said parties, their operatives, the companies the operatives work for, and the plans they are charged with executing will remain unknown to all outsiders.

Because these two societies are geographically diverse, the need for communication over both private and public network communities remains an issue. For the public communication, codes will be transmitted by casual conversation - effectively saying the right thing at the right time - without the use of codes and numbers. Even knowing about the communication technique doesn't help anyone if you don't have the source codebook.

SECTION II
"Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge." Paul Gauguin

Because of the intrinsic nature of these two organizations, very little needs to be done in order to integrate all of the resources available to both parties. And because both organizations thrive because of a lack of knowledge on the part of the general populace, this is going to be a very short section as far as the public is concerned. But we're just going to give a few hints to really torment those not involved in the details. Two words: Subterranean Rivers. There's thousands of miles of them around the globe. And can you even imagine the parent company of Caliber & Velocity? Oh, and another thing: look up MJ XII and Neurocam International. Just do it.

SECTION III
"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." Mark Twain

Seven Nation Goals: Wouldn't you like to know? Ha ha ha ha!
Nightbug Kingdom Goals: We apologize that we are unable to accommodate the public's request for further information at
this time.

For those conspiracy theorists who devote their lives to hunting down secret societies, we have a little hint for you. Unfortunately, we have inconveniently forgotten to translate the hint from binary to English.

"01110111011001010010111001100100011001010110 0001011011000010111001101001011011100010111001 00110101001001010011100100010000101110010000110 10011110100111001010100010100100100111101001100"

SECTION IV recruiting & incentivizing
"When smashing monuments, save the pedestals - they always come in handy" Stanislaw Lem

We typically do not recruit lower-end minions. While although education is pretty nice, ability to be creative is typically another trait that we pursue in minion selection. And of course, willingness to undergo cybernetic enhancement. Our benefits package typically includes little things like instant bioelectochemical corporeal reconstruction. Especially for the minions that do the dirty work. Many people of the gaming persuasion would recognize this as "extra lives."

Upper Executives would have - effectively - carte blanche with regards to resources, would be paid a base salary and then scalable bonuses depending on both their success and the overall success of the mutual societies. In order to facilitate the payment of Executives and Minions, Master Seven does not take in a stipend. After all, he OWNS the Seven Nation.

Also, as both societies are sharing resources, the Nightbug Kingdom also gets a fair share of what Netizens used to recognize as villainsupply.com. This is an affirmation that the Seven Nation did, in fact, buy them.

* * *

In closing, this announcement is purely for those who follow conspiracy theories, and tend to think that secret societies control every event that occurs in the world. Do you hear us, conspiracy theorists? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT YOU.

While the raging paranoia stews over in the corner where the conspiracy theorists are attempting to hide, we turn our attention to the general public. All we have to say is, "You may return to what you were doing. Remember to enjoy life, don't work too hard, and don't think too hard. Nobody likes a pushy sheep."

I woke this morning and it wasn't to my delight.

My immune system stepped out for a holiday, packing it's bags with hard working white blood cells and loading them on a squeaky Grey Hound bus destined for Vegas. I'm sure they plan on gambling away the remainder of my vitality in the hopes of hitting it big and buying the affections of a statuesque blonde wearing only a green feathered tiara.

I was greeted with mind numbing chills upon opening the door and discovered, to my heart's delight, snow. Either that or Heimdall, guardian to the rainbow bridge to Asgard, had stopped by for a visit and left his dandruff behind by accident.

Sniffles forgotten, I proceeded to giggle maniacally and "tra la la" to my car until a troupe of Yetis armed with potato cannons burst from the woods surrounding my apartment complex.

Mere inches away from me, they were beseiged suddenly by twenty cartwheeling purple pixies singing "Dancing in the Rain".

A furious battle ensued.

Wings, fur, and frogs (their little scarves flapping in the wind) were flying willy nilly through the air only to be interrupted when the heavens parted, peeked at the chaos, and proceeded to lob freezing chunks of ice at everyone below.

A shrill voice sounded through the night, "Get inside this instant! You'll catch your death out there!"

Breaking out umbrellas against the onslaught, pixies and Yetis alike moodily stomped home, kicking an errant can and grumbling as they went.

So far, the rest of the day has been rather uneventful.

...Maybe I shouldn't mix and match my cold medication so much next time.

I have a big project to do for school, so I shall reward you with comics and a short commentary.


This only proves that Stapler Mayhem is not as rewarding as the name would lead you to believe.



Natural selection - oh, if only it were this easy.



Oh Grandma, what big...

The following people inhabit my work space five days a week, eight hours a day, and occassionally pop in for an unwelcome visit in my nightmares.

Pop Culture Girl: Pop Culture Girl avidly stalks the entertainment industry with such intent and unholy glee, that the stars in question invariably get sudden "grave tingling" chills whenever she begins to talk or read about them.

Quote: "Did you see the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly?"

Prada Woman: Prada Woman is obsessed much like Pop Culture Girl. The only difference between these two are their obsessions. Prada Woman has to, absolutely must on pain of death, have the latest and most expensive clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, manicures, and cars. She will then proceed to show off said possessions at any opportunity.

Quote: "If it's under $200.00 then I don't want it in my closet."

The Gabby Gal: The Gabby Gal makes your four year old appear mute. She will carry on a one-sided conversation for the entire duration of the day, pausing only twice to breathe. Her topics will always center on herself and range from her love life to the contents of her medicine cabinet.

Quote: "So, then I realized..."

Hangover Hal: Hangover Hal loves to party, weekends or weekdays it matters not. He's always stumbling into work late, bleary eyed, reeking of cigarettes and clad in rumbled clothing with a week's worth of stubble.

Quote: "Dude, I went to this awesome bar last night."

The Whining Wretch: The Whining Wretch is to be avoided at all costs (especially if you're finally in a good mood). The Wretch spends her day informing everyone around her that her life is one of misery, hardwork and pain. She was once a great (A. CEO, B. Engineer, C. Civil Rights Worker, D. All of the Above), but through horrific tragedy and self sacrifice has chosen this lowly position of life instead.

Quote: "I have so many contacts high up, but my family needs me more. Without my work and time they would..."

Babysat Betty: Babysat Betty is incapable of performing her work functions properly. Someone must always go along behind her and correct her mistakes least the entire corporation implode from fatal errors. Somehow, Betty will always manage to retain her position and high standing of favor among management.

Quote: "It wasn't like that when I did it."

The Gossip Gecko: Much like the gecko will lick the fluid from it's eye to survive in the desert, the Gossip Gecko cannot live without sowing her seeds of gossip throughout the office. The Gecko's insatiable urge to be in the center of the "know" is an insurmountable mountain of trouble waiting to happen.

Quote: "Did you hear about Sarah and Tom in Cubicle 9?"

Swinging Steve: The Swinging Steve believes he is honestly the world's most eligible bachelor - despite the wife and children that await his late returns home after work each night. If it's female and moves independently, Swinging Steve will be on the trail.

Quote: "Mm. Girl, you look fine in that skirt."

The Wicked Weasel: The Wicked Weasel should be avoided at all costs. He will use your spine as his own personal ladder to climb to success.

Quote: "Yes, that was a great idea. I'm glad I thought of it."

The Marriage Minister: The Marriage Minister has been locked in a miserable marriage for years. Instead of seeking counseling or a divorce lawyer, the Minister follows the old adage of 'misery loves company'. He will try, at every available opportunity, to convince you to settle down and enjoy the 'good life'.

Quote: "So, have you got that ring yet? You don't know what you're missing."

Moody Mandy: Moody Mandy is in a constant state of emotional flux. Her varying degrees of emotions run from hot to cold faster than the Road Runner on methamphetamines. Be wary, Moody Mandy's are almost always in positions of authority and power.

Quote: "What's your problem?"

Caffeine Carl: Caffeine Carl is always found in front of or at most two feet away from the coffee pot. He drinks it black, strong and at least fifteen cups a day. Talking at the speed of light and shaking more than a palsied centurion, Caffeine Carl is impossible to understand and a danger to all objects that aren't bolted down.

Quote: "Nicedayhuh?Berightbackgoingformorecoffee."

This will conclude today's introduction.

I can't resist.



IMPROPER TOASTER USAGE!