We have the worst plumbing in the world at my office. I realized this today as I was filling up my water bottle at the fountain.

Lo, I stand there with my plastic bottle and beseech the fountain to give unto it semi-cold and vaguely metallic tasting water.

Hark?! What is this that mine ears doth hear?

A flush from the ladies restroom next door.

My stream of water dwindled...and dwindled...and dwindled. Sternly and with great angst I shook my half full water bottle at it. Stop that! I thought fiercely.

It must have heard me because it came back full force and with more far reaching trajectory than one would have thought possible from such a wee fountain.



My water bottle remained half full. I think I was wearing the remaining half that had leapt free of the bottle lip and directly onto my person.

I sloshed back to my desk plotting revenge.

I have a wedding to attend today. I have to dress up. I have to look...civilized.

Most importantly I have decided that it must be time to blog when I have a dream about it. And, for some inane reason, I dreamt that I put way too many emoticons on my latest post and received several scathing complaints.

Oh god! There is one now?! What if it multiplies! Doom, I say. Doom! No, no! Stop! We're under attack! Where is Superman when you need him?! No, nevermind. Superman was a chump. Batman? Hello?

Ahem. I haven't had my coffee yet, but I am reassured that I am not crazy by smart kitty. Smart kitty has told me that I'm perfectly sane and normal. How does he know, I asked?

Well...

What a strange mood I find myself in at the moment.

So, I have just returned from seeing Spiderman 3. I should be going to bed in a few minutes (I have a final exam for British Literature to take tomorrow in the morning - and then this semester is finito!), but first I need to ramble on for a bit. I doubt in my current state of mind this will be amusing. After all, I'm currently running off of nachos and convenience store coffee. Not exactly a mixture to get the ol' noggin in gear, eh?

Spiderman 3? I have mixed reviews for it. Don't worry, I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. Suffice to say, my overall reaction would have to be somewhere between a "meh" and "hrm".

Egads, I hope I do well on this exam tomorrow. I honestly think that I will, so that is reassuring at least. Regardless, I'm tired. I want this semester over. I want this degree finished so I can move on to my next one. I want to feel, at least on some level, semi-accomplished.

Sometimes I get a bit irked that I am going on 25 years old and have yet to get my associates finished. I know some people from my highschool that have finished graduate school at this stage. I got started a bit late - I was working a lot in the beginning while trying to make ends meet and, honestly, I didn't (at the time) see the true value in a higher education.

I started school in 2003, but things always came up that kept me from attending semester after semester - money (mostly) and family emergencies from time to time.

I want to be somebody. I want, most importantly, to do something worthwhile with my life. So far, after all the time I have spent thinking about it, I have come to several conclusions as to what I want to do with my life.

Firstly, I want to be the type of person that can make a difference in others lives - a positive difference. Simultaneously, I want to always know that I am living my life to fullest, always keeping in mind the fact that life is short, unpredictable, and at times tumultuous - but always, always good.

I know I don't get serious very often on here, but (shockingly enough) it is possible every once in awhile. I'll blame the nachos, jalapenos, black olives and late hour.

I have this habit - it works wonderfully for me, but tends to be rather irksome for others. I rarely check my voicemail. Voicemail is a nuisance, it is the pebble in my shoe or the spot on my back I can never manage to reach when it itches. Ergo, I avoid it like the plague. I would rather converse with said plague over a spot of stale tea than answer my voicemail.

Why, you ask?



Because of the people I know. When I answer my voicemail I am harangued by the following examples:

1.) "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go (under cover of darkness) to the grocery store and..."

I'm sorry, but the person in question did receive brownie points for attempting to make a jaunt to the grocery store for cabbage sound like an inspiring 007 adventure. Personally, I have had too many mundane experiences at the grocery store to ever feel excited about walking through its doors...though if I pole vaulted...

2.) "Where are you? I haven't seen you in ages..."

Beginning a voicemail in this manner will serve in only one capacity - immediate deletion and the further reinforcement that I should not check my voicemail. If the message continues on for several minutes until the message system itself cuts one off in mid-sentence due to the length of time that has passed I will track you down and bludgeon you with a ferret.

I appreciate being missed. I love everyone that I haven't seen regularly, but please don't guilt trip me over the fact that I am not available in hours and times as other people because of my school. It shall only make me spat Monty Python at you in a very bad British accent (which may or may not be worse than a ferret beating).



[Disclaimer: I'm only joking on that, by the way. It does not severely annoy me to hear those messages when I do manage to check my mail. I know it's only because people care, but sometimes... ]

3.) "So, yeah, I'm standing in line waiting on my [insert item here] and, um, yeah, I was just...like...today I decided that I was going to..."

I am not standing beside you. I have not answered the phone. Why must you persist in speaking as though I am responding?

Five minutes later...

"...And then I took the dog on a walk and I got this call from, do you remember John? Anyway, I..."



It once took me almost an entire hour to listen to my messages. Why must you hurt the Bug? I have cell phone elbow now.

...I'm lazy and don't want to do my term paper for class. So, I shall post to you excerpts from my emails to friends. This is a prime example of why I should not have caffeine.

Email Excerpt Example 1:

I stand up from my chair and notice something on the side of it. Upon closer inspection I determined one of two things. Either I had a random and horrifically early bout of incontinence or I had dropped my chocolate treat. Sadly, it was indeed the demise of my chocolate. Though tempted to apply the five second rule and deny the fact that it had apparently been existing in that spot for more than the pre-requisite five seconds, I realized that an innumerable amount of asses had surely sat upon my chair over the course of the year. Inspection of the bathroom facilities from earlier that day led me to the following conclusion: Abandon all ye chocolate and lament.

Email Excerpt Example 2:

I approached a boss today and stated, "I have a curious urge to be annoying - fancy that? Therefore, I find it within my duty to tell you that I have been disappointingly let down by you. I had an important question to ask, but you were not at your office even after the meeting today whereupon you stated, 'I am always available and at my desk'." Dramatic poses and wailing laments insued and my boss determined I was certifiable. And also took away my coffee. Luckily, I found another cup hidden within the recesses of my desk and procured more. Be afraid.

Email Excerpt Example 3:

Beware the monkey shaped jelly beans. They lie - they don't taste like cranberry apple juice and those are not miniature chocolate malt balls in the bottom of the bag. /cringe

Email Excerpt Example 4:

So the gym is going well for you now, yes? Have you got the six pack? Have you made contact with any of the cute exercise bunny women? Do you have their numbers yet through actual receipt directly from their hand and into your own (none of this hacking into their computers or rifling through purses while dressed up in a towel and mincing about in the ladies locker room pretending to be a fuzzy female)? "Oh, the chest? Well, laser hair removal surgery just isn't what it's cracked up to be, girlfriend. Mmhmm."

Now, aren't you all glad you don't email me regularly?