As was once related at some point in this blog (I think), I found a stray kitten when I went the flea market in town. He was emaciated and scrawny, weighing only one and a half pounds. So, of course, being a complete sucker, I took him home.

Little did I know this was all according to his devious plans.

Step 1.) Look completely pitiful and on the brink of death
Step 2.) Sucker some soft and weak willed human to take him home
Step 3.) Devour all food stuffs within a two foot radius with a rabid appetite.
Step 4.) Grow to immense proportions
Step 5.) Rope the dog in on his evil plans
Step 6.) Find every opportunity available to climb the human's legs (with or without protective clothing on)
Step 7.) While the human is sleeping, take potshots at her head.
Step 8.) Stare with a complete lack of shame as the human bathes while crawling up on the lip of the tub and batting wildly at any moving appendages.
Step 9.) Take a severely strange interest in the toilet. At every flush, run into the bathroom, scrabble up on to the seat and stare with maladjusted interest at the swirling water. "Meep" at it. Bat furiously some more.
Step 10.) Run in a psychotic manner throughout the house only to end up detouring into the water bowl - knocking it over and becoming sopping wet.
Step 11.) Purr sadistically as the human psyche breaks.

I have become the whimsical plaything of a beast. It attacks me at every opportunity - dive bombing, from under furniture, while asleep. And then, just as I'm wailing in pain and angst, it purrs. And then it attacks with the greatest weapon in it's entire arsenal - kitty eyes. Big, soft kitty eyes. Until it goes back into Killer Cat Mode.

In an attempt to provide myself with the mandantory and requisite calories with which to continue normal bodily functions I resorted to a most dreaded and often times terrifying practice - cooking.

Note to self:

Dear Self,

Your food is not supposed to twitch independently of its own accord after several hours slaving in the kitchen. Following a recipe to the exact letter is apparently not the only thing one needs when combining ingredients and "stirring occasionally".

There is now a semi-sentient entity (some call it "spaghetti", but only I know of its true hideous and satanic nomenclature origins) in my kitchen and evolving at a rather alarming rate.

Hrm. Anyone there?

*taps microphone*

Is this thing even on?!

*taps again*

Guess not.

*sits down*

Well, gather round close guys (guys? Hello? Somebody?) since the microphone isn't working and I have a tendency to talk softly [insert carrying big stick cliche here].

A lot has happened in my buggy world since I last posted and, for some reason, I felt the urge to post it here. Could it be that I miss you guys? Of course!

I have a new job (and have had said new job for almost six months). Hurrah! Escape from one corporate hell and into another, but not quite. At least in this company I have upward mobility and wonderful people to work with.

I renewed my lease at my apartment complex. Yes, I know, shocking and exciting news, I'm sure. At least now I'll have another year to try and figure out what that strange sound from the walls in my bedroom are at night. Rats? Bugs? Invading aliens bent on world domination via the poorly constructed plaster of apartment buildings?

I got published! It's nothing major, of course, but I did get an essay I wrote for a scholarship put into a book called Challenge the Experts. I'm working and trying hard to see if I can get an anthology series to perhaps pick up the "Marin" short series that I did on this blog. I hope so! If anyone has any good links for anthology publishers of comedy fantasy genre, let me know. So far, it's in short supply. *shakes fist* KHAN!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe not.

School is starting to come near an end soon! I will definitely be graduating next year. Hopefully before the summer if I work hard. And while that degree is being worked on, I'm also beginning to work on getting my A+ certification (paid for by work - woohoo!) sometime in the beginning of the new year. Oh, but the world shall tremble when I can stand before the assembly of learned and educated (redundant, eh?) professionals and proclaim "I am one of you! Yes, yes, [*insert maniacal laughter and rubbing of palms here*] work to corrupt from the inside! Muwhahah. Wait...was that my inside or outside voice? Guys?....Guys? Why are you leaving? Is it a fire alarm? .....Hello? I'm so alone..."

There's more (there always is, of course - LOOK! A pony!), but I've written enough for now.

Cheers!